50 Ways to Scream FISH!
by MagicConan14
Summary: 50 one-shots on how to tease Kaito, how Kaito reacts...or simply how karma gets back at him. No. 4: Kid, after showing off how speedy he is, gets captured by someone who looks a lot like Conan...but why? Unique part of the Countdown series. - Now merged with A Fishy Heist. -
1. Charmful

MagicConan14 here. I thought this fic up, and then decided to make it part of the Countdown series. However, these are all one shot…in the Countdown series they have to have a running story, so this one's another odd one.

The title of the story comes from _50 Ways to Say Goodbye_ by Train. Charmful is a portmanteau of 'charm' and 'harmful'.

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Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this fic.

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Charmful

Kaito was at the Clock Tower where Aoko and he had first met, standing around like any other normal person would. (But remember, this guy's no ordinary person, he's Kaito Kid…)

Out of his peripheral vision, he spotted a bracelet. It was made of leather and had a single charm – a rainbow scale that shone in the sunset like an abalone shell.

_What could the scale be from?_ he asked himself._ A lizard, a crocodile…any reptile really. Or it could be from a…a..._

Stuttering in his head was weird. Especially when he knew the scale could definitely come from a fish.

He threw the idea out and decided to pick the bracelet up anyway. _I could give it to Aoko if it's from a…scaly demon…_ he thought to reassure himself.

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Keeping it on his wrist as he ambled over to meet Aoko, Kaito mentally went through a list of things he could do to the tantei-tachi and the police. He could put them all into dresses – that girl detective (and the rest of the women) probably wouldn't mind, but the men would!

He could put clown make-up on their faces. Then again, that never had too much of a hilarious result.

He could also…give tantei-kun his bracelet! Perfect! (He'd decided the charm was from a fish, and now every time he set eyes on it, he'd shiver in disgust.)

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The night of the heist, Kaito dressed as a waiter [A.N. See movie 14 to see what he looks like.] and slipped the bracelet on to tantei-kun's wrist. However, the shrunk detective just handed it to lost property when he realised it wasn't his…The most horrible thing was that Kaito had signed up for a lost property shift, and that shift was now.

Karma just _hated_ him right now.

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This is meant to be a very brief, humorous fic, so there isn't really a need for a heist in this.

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	2. Chat Noir

Chat Noir

The name of this fic means 'Black Cat' in French. It makes sense once you know who Chat Noir is…

I own Chat Noir, FYI, although she's intentionally made to be a parody to particular things (and yes, Chat Noir is a she).

**Note:** At the time of writing this fic, I didn't know about Chat Noir (the Magic Kaito character - Chat Noir is a 'she' in both instances). That Chat Noir and this Chat Noir are **not** the same character. It's just a case of 'name's the same'.

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Chat Noir slunk around in the shadows, watching Kid as he disappeared in a puff of smoke caused by one of his smoke bombs…

/

Akako was absentmindedly zoning out in class. Besides, who needs to know about calculus and how to write essays if you're going to summon Lucifer later? But when Aoko's mop hit her on the head (it missed Kaito by a lot!), she started to regret her daydreaming. When Aoko had a mop in hand, it tended to hurt.

/

Akako, though it was kind of useless for her to masquerade as a phantom thief because of her magic, still enjoyed the thrill of parodying Kaito in her own style, both in reality and as Kid. As Chat Noir, she changed her hair to a jet black and took on a ninja-style costume with cat ears and tail created by magic. But whenever she did switch to being a rebellious phantom thief, she suddenly had a strange fetish for all things cats like…

/

Another Kid-vs.-Chat Noir heist was scheduled for tonight and Akako really needed to shape up to beat her rival at this game. The goal? Simple – get the jewel Dark Rose before the other person did.

After hiding in the rafters, she pounced on her rival just as he arrived at the box that contained the Dark Rose. But just as she was going to punch his lights out, she spied a freshly cooked fish on a plate out of her peripheral vision. The side of her that had been twisted into Chat Noir jumped at the chance to get it. Kaito just stared at her with an eyebrow raised, unconvinced that she would ever defeat him.

Then he saw what she'd stopped for.

"FFIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH !" he screamed, his eyes wide open and his vocal cords straining themselves. Akako glanced at him, then the fish, snapping herself out of her cat thief stupor as she did. What was so terrible about that?

But what was more terrible was that Kaito had gotten away, Dark Rose almost forgotten until he glanced into the box during his escape. _I guess I lost that competition then_, Akako thought, proceeding to eat her prize.

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Dark Rose is a gem from a deleted fic called Jewel of Darkness.

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	3. Once a Dove

Once a Dove, Now a Pigeon

I hope to turn this into a full, trope-filled story (about five shots, could be more, could be less)– see if you can spot the tropes!

I own the pigeons...oh yeah, and FYI, pigeons and doves are in the same family.

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_Run!_ Kaito told himself. _If she catches you, she might do something nasty…_

'She' was Akako, who was currently in one of her 'I can't make Kaito Kid love me' rages. "If I can't have you, then I'll turn you into one of those doves you're friends with!" she yelled, zapping the spiky-haired teen with a bolt of scarlet magic…

…and he turned into a pigeon, much to everyone's surprise and Akako's chagrin. "What did you just do to me, you stupid witch?" Kaito asked her as he took a good look at his new feathered body. Everyone's jaws dropped at hearing Kaito's voice come out of a bird.

"I don't know why it backfired…" she muttered, scratching her chin.

/

As Hakuba opened the door, he noticed everything was chaos as usual – Aoko was chasing Kaito, and Akako was charming the pants off other boys. But strangely, Kaito was missing…there was a pigeon instead, getting hit by the broom. _What happened to Kuroba-kun?_ he wondered. He couldn't be the pigeon, could he? "Or did he turn invisible?" he asked himself sarcastically, as he observed that the bird was still trying to get the hang of flying.

Just then, the teacher ambled boredly into the classroom. Startled by the noise, Kaito tried landing on his chair, but instead became human for some strange reason.

/

The rest of the day was spent avoiding the other people's gazes as he tried…and failed…to keep Akako's spell under control.

As Kaito rushed out the door with his bag at the end of the day, Aoko in tow, he spied some pigeons, which made him stop dead – he'd been seeing one all day, of course. The queer thing is that just seeing a pigeon made him turn into one again, complete with his bag and him hitting the floor.

"Hey, crumb-brain!"

Kaito's newly feathered head swivelled towards the callout. It was the leader of the flock he just noticed, insulting him! "Oh great…" he muttered, as he stared up at Aoko. She was gathering up his bag and looking around for the bird that was him. The only problem was that he looked too much like every other pigeon to be noticed by her...

"Crumb-brain, are you listening? Did you need help with that bag there?" the pigeon grumbled, apparently unfazed by a teenager turning into a bird. The other birds of the flock repeated what he said in a sing-song voice. "Will, Jonny, Guy, cut it out!" the leader snapped.

"But Chris…" one of them moaned. [Now, where have we heard those names before?] Kaito was just perplexed at the birds' name choice, but still gave a nod to accept Chris's offering.

"Ambush position 108, boys! Right on to it!" the pigeon leader commanded.

It turns out 'ambush position 108' was just a V formation. Luckily for Kaito, he got a clear view of Aoko's panties as he joined them – and they were white.

/

As the flock and the thief-turned-bird dragged the bag across the city towards his house, the four real birds couldn't help musing over their city escapades. Of course, no one can hear a pigeon speak unless they are a pigeon themselves, so no one heard them except Kaito.

They were almost at the Kuroba mansion when Kaito stopped in his path.

In front of him was a fishmonger's. He'd never actually seen this shop on his way home from school before, so it must have been new.

Just staring at the symbol on the shop window was enough to make him scream - a strange high-pitched noise. "What's wrong?" one of the members (he couldn't tell which one) asked him.

"It's a place that sells…

…FFFFIISSSHHH!"

With that, he thudded to the floor, becoming human as his consciousness escaped him.

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The title is kind of derived from 'once bitten, twice shy'...but it's really something I made up. The 'dove' is of course an allusion to Kid.

If this oneshot isn't good enough, I'll rewrite it for the full fic. Please read and review!


	4. Speed and Motion

Speed and Motion

So, you're wondering why I do magical girls/guys and not superheroes? Well, spandex is annoying, for one thing. For the second reason, just read on...

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Kaito Kid sped across the room, hoping to get to the diamond first. However, he knew he'd easily get there first – he could move like lightning if he needed to. He just needed the right trajectory and enough space to move his hands in said trajectory. He drew out the path he wanted to go on…

His legs were a blur as he snatched the diamond up. Pressing the button to open the hang glider, the two detectives could only stare up at him and wonder how he was so fast. Nakamori and his band of imbecilic cops had lagged behind, of course – no match for a teenager like a teenager, after all.

But as he manned his hang glider, something became really obvious: that there was a net in front of him, and it was attached to a blimp. He couldn't stop the glider, not in mid-air like this!

So the great Kaito Kid got caught for the first time in his life by someone he didn't know.

/

After the net was raised and the thief released, he made a bolt for it…but a shield stopped him in his tracks. Kaito knocked the silvery metal-like object in front of him, checking for any spots he could blow open with a bomb.

"You're not escaping, Kaito Kid-san." Tantei-kun's voice came from the cockpit of the airship. The spiky-haired teen whirled around in the limited space he had to see a little kid. He looked like Conan, yet had scars on both cheeks.

"Let me out of here, tantei-kun! It's not funny."

The kid started to grow, suddenly – into an adult that had a vague sense of tantei-kun's detective menace around him. His white teeth curled into a smirk worthy to only phantom thieves.

"We need your help, Kid-san. There's a villain on the loose, and you're the only one that can stop him. Go to Izu beach in two days' time." With that, the trapdoor underneath the thief opened.

"Good luck!" called out the scar faced man as Kaito opened his hang glider once more to save himself from the drop. Then the man pulled out a newspaper with a front page report of 'Aquatic Man' – the very villain he'd set the thief to look for. A grin spread across his face as he shifted once more to reveal 'himself' to be Aoko.

/

At Izu, life was good. Kaito had almost forgotten why he was there, until he spotted Scar Tantei-kun again.

"What are you doing here?" he wondered aloud, squinting at the kid in anger.

"Go into the water," the Conan lookalike commanded him. The first time had been an exception, since he hadn't known how to escape the shield, but now?

"I ain't taking orders from you!" Kaito tossed his head in stubborn refusal as he said this.

The response was the bespectacled boy shoving the teen into the water.

"All right! You win," the teen sulked as he spat out sand. Then, he angrily started swimming away from Conan's doppelganger.

/

Kaito had always swum in pools. Not oceans, lakes or rivers where there were…scaly demons. He shuddered at the mere thought of them swimming in the same water he was swimming in.

So when he discovered the villain a little bit later, he screamed…and almost drowned because he took in too much water.

"Gahh!"

Why had he had this reaction? Aquatic Man just happened to be able to turn himself into any aquatic creature possible, hence the name. Since Aquatic Man had appeared in the form of a gar in front of Kaito, instant fleeing was the only reaction Kaito could give. (Note that a 'gar' in this case is also known as a needlefish or garpike.)

Aoko, meanwhile, was sitting on the beach, giggling as she watched Kaito speed out of the water and away. "To think I had to sneak on to a blimp and knock out the pilot just to get Kaito to do that...it was worth it," she commented.

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	5. A Fishy Heist

A Fishy Heist

MagicConan14 here. This idea's been around for quite some time…It was going to be my second fanfic, but I kept losing faith in it.

[Note: This and the next chapter come from A Fishy Heist. Since it was so short, I decided to merge it...but the fact that this came first chronologically should explain a drop in quality.]

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Disclaimer: I don't own the Sakura Hotel.

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Part 1~ The (Titular) Fishy Heist

It was the afternoon of the 5th of May and Kaito was scoping out the scene of his next heist. It was a high-rise hotel…a rather fancy and exquisite one named the Sakura Hotel. With plush leather sofas and red carpet practically everywhere, it was obvious Jirokichi Suzuki owned it. [A.N. I'm not sure who owns the Sakura Hotel. Also, this hotel comes from Lupin III vs. Detective Conan.]

The only marker to distinguish this hotel from every other hotel in Tokyo was the fish windsock flapping on a flagpole outside the entrance. Kaito hadn't looked at the windsock, though… [A.N. There's no flagpole outside the Sakura Hotel shown in Lupin III vs. Detective Conan.]

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Kid's latest target was the Goldenorb, so called because it had the appearance of the abdomen of a golden orb spider. It was very large, and said to contain poison inside it. It was being displayed at the Sakura Hotel, a very spacious and luxurious place where Conan and Kogoro had been invited once. Ran had received an invitation that time, but due to school and the case that came after the detectives' hotel visit; she had been inside – but as Princess Mira and not Ran Mouri. [A.N. See Lupin III vs. Detective Conan for details.]

Here they were again, on the day after Conan's birthday, roaming the hotel for Kid. It was thrilling, yet kind of dull – Kid wouldn't appear until midnight. Right now it was 10: 43 pm.

At exactly the stroke of midnight, Kid stuck a grappling gun through an open window on the second-highest story (which conveniently was where the police and detectives were). However, there was a huge fish that had been left on the table next to it, and since Kid wasn't looking at what he was grabbing, he caught the fish instead.

_Why is my target so slippery? It feels like it's a…a… _Kaito decided to leave this thought hanging to look at what he had grabbed.

"It's a SCALY DEMON!" he yelled, both in his thoughts and in reality. He shook the 'scaly demon' out of the grappling gun's firm grasp and started to fly, when he saw the windsock…

"Those scaly demons are everywhere!" he screamed in fright.

After Conan had deciphered what a 'scaly demon' was, he couldn't help but laugh at Kid._ I know his greatest weakness now_, he thought to himself.

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Sorry for using capitals, but it was the only way to convey how frightened Kaito was.

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	6. Sushi

This heist may be a bit OOC, but there's a reason behind it...

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Part 2~Sushi

The new sushi bar, which was named Sashimi, was going to open tomorrow – the 14th of July. Conan, Kogoro and Ran had received invitations for the official opening, because of a certain thief's target residing in there…

Kid's target this time was a spherical ruby called Rosso Rondo. Rondo, as it was more frequently known by, was first found in Italy, explaining why its name was so queer. (Rosso Rondo means 'red roundabout' in Italian.) Why it was kept in a sushi bar, no one knew…except maybe Kid. In his calling card, he declared:

Round and full, the moon will be,

and so will the gem you will see.

When scarlet glow touches the sky,

I will be ever so very high.

My gem hides a secret in a family tree.

It's not like my other targets to me.

Kaito Kid (Kid doodle)

_Obviously, the first line refers to midnight. The next two lines are references to Rosso Rondo. The fourth line doesn't contain anything surprising – it's just saying Kid would escape. But what about the last two lines?_ Conan thought. Right now he was in the Café Poirot with Ran and Kogoro, and they were trying to decipher Kid's card for the police.

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Kaito sniggered. (The thief was pretending to be a businessman enjoying free time at the Café Poirot, but in reality he just liked to spy on tantei-kun.) The family tree part of the card was referring to him being family friends with the owner's son, Haru: the two had been friends since elementary school. The reason why the orb-like ruby was kept in a sushi bar was because it was an heirloom of Haru's family, and also because of the gem's secret… if you exposed the gem to the full moon, then the sky would be bathed in red light.

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The next night, all the guests were in Sashimi, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Kaito Kid. According to what the menus read, they were using the Kid heist as after dinner entertainment… Conan, Ran and Kogoro, along with Nakamori-keibu, Aoko and Kaito, were on the roof. (Kaito was forced to come along…but he had an ulterior motive...)

The boy called Kaito excused himself for the bathroom in an antsy kind of way, and a few minutes later, the thief arrived.

_I think I know the real identity of Kaito Kid now!_ Conan couldn't help but laugh a little as he thought this, and thankfully everyone was too engrossed with thoughts of Kid to notice him.

"Welcome to the sushi bar, ladies and gentlemen!" Kaito Kid announced. "I hope you enjoy tonight." He swooped down to the roof, closing the glider as he landed, then tossed a smoke bomb. Conan ran blindly in pursuit of Kid while the rest waited for the smoke to dissipate.

The shrunken detective discovered Kaito on the first floor, with Rosso Rondo in hand. Some fish, a blue dory and two clownfish to be exact, were watching the two people stare at each other from the tank behind the white-clad teen.

"So, you've caught me again, tantei-kun. I must say, I'm impressed," Kid taunted his small counterpart.

"I'm impressed with how long you've been in hiding, Kid. Or should I say, Kaito?" The detective placed heavy emphasis on the spiky-haired teen's real name. Kaito just kept a rather triumphant poker face on. "I know the secret mentioned in the message. I asked your girlfriend Aoko about you just before the heist, and apparently you don't like fish, to the extent of having itchyophobia. That makes you suspicious. After some enquiries, I found out about your friendship with Haru. That's probably why you were invited, and meant you probably knew the secret behind Rosso Rondo. So, what is it?"

To answer him, Kaito dashed out of Sashimi. (He was eternally grateful to be out of a place where fish were so frequent...) He then brought out the gem…The sky lit up with a scarlet glow as Kid tossed a confetti bomb and escaped. Red confetti swirled around Conan as he gazed at the red (slowly fading to pink) night sky.

Since no one could explain how Kid created that illusion, Conan decided to keep the secret about Rosso Rondo, and the real identity of Kaito Kid, a secret…but someday, he would catch Kaito for real.

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The special guests of _Sushi_ are the fish in the tank behind Kid. You should be able to recognise them...they're from _Finding Nemo_.

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